Desperately Seeking Madonna

So Brennan, my soon-to-be-9 year old, asked me the other day who Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, and Britney Spears were.  I was wondering when this was going to come up.  We are fortunate enough to have XM in our truck (my Mom taxi) and per the kids request, we almost always have "Kids Place Live" on.  It's a great station with lots of kid indie rock (think Michael Buble doing "Spiderman" or the Bare Naked Ladies singing the "Crazy ABCs").  So, recalling my early love of music - the GoGo's, Joan Jett, and Madonna - I sat down with her and downloaded a bunch of songs from itunes. 

Little did I know that she'd be putting Britney's "3" on replay so she can figure out what all the lyrics are. 

I can now completely empathize with my own Mom, as I recall her pause, (and cringe) when I asked her what Madonna was saying in "Like A Virgin." Who knew that Madonna would someday be considered tame by comparison?

In case you aren't familiar, "3" is song with a great beat and catchy chorus, but unfortunately for us parents out there, is all about having a threesome.  I'm thinkin' that it's not the kind of threesome you inadvertantly get caught up in on the dance floor either (sandwiched by two incredibly creepy, greasy, and short men). 

Not that you really want to have to explain what any type of threesome is to you children.

I have tried my best, and mostly successfully, to give her lots of suggestions on what the words might be, and make sure that none of them are PG or R rated.  I also told her that songwriters frequently write lyrics just to make them rhyme or sound good in a song, and that the lyrics don't always make sense.  She bought it.

Then, before bedtime tonight, we are having a little "Family Time" and Brennan, excited to be playing her new music for all of us, is cranking out the tunes.  Fortunately, she skips right past "3" after announcing to me that she's figured out all the words. 

Thankfully, they are all wrong and make absolutely no sense. 

As I was breathing a sigh of relief about her botching of "3s" lyrics, I began plotting how and when to retrieve her ipod shuffle and delete the song. Just then, she proceeds to play a fun little ditty, also by Britney Spears, called "If You Seek Amy."  Now, I had listened to the little soundbyte on itunes, and thought it was harmless enough...only to see Mark's eyes about fall out of his head as he hears it, and asks me, "what the hell is that doing on her ipod????"

Clearly the song must have come out while I was in some sort of post-pregnancy (which pregnancy I am not sure) hibernation.  I had NO idea that there was any sort of (not-so-hidden) meaning in the song.  Mark proceeds to explain the brou-ha-ha that surrounded the release of the song and exactly what "If You Seek Amy" really means......

If = F
You = U
Seek =  C
Amy = well, you can pretty much figure the rest of it out on your own. 
Completely appalled at my own ignorance, I am now apparantly so completely out of touch and un-hip that I am letting my 8 year old listen to the pop music equivelent of soft porn.  And I thought being called a cougar was embarassing.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go find that ipod.  I have some deleting to do...