Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Raising the Bar...I Need to Start Lifting Weights

Having grown increasingly frustrated by the inactivity, non-response, and otherwise general ignorance of my four darlings, I decided that I had reached a major crossroads.  Either I could continue half-enabling them, and allow the current state of chaos to continue, or I could raise the bar, and begin expecting more of, and from, each of them. 

I briefly considered doing the whole "Mom On Strike" idea, as you may recall from some ABC afterschool special in the 1980's.  But I don't think most of my kids are old enough to get it, nor do my days conclude as neatly as a made-for-tv-movie, so I continued to brainstorm.

We started off by creating a family contract, that everyone, even Mark and I, had to sign.  First, we included the obvious (homework before tv), to the mundane (make you bed and pick your crap up off the floor and put it in its place), to the stretch (no whining, interrupting, or fighting).  I put some lines in there to give them a taste of empowerment (I deserve to get up in the morning and start each day without any grudges)...and so far, everyone seems to be (mostly) towing the line...

I also made some critical changes to our bedtime routines.  With four young kids and a traveling husband, evenings are when I get things done, not to mention the few precious minutes of peace and quiet that I hold so dear.  Trying to get all the kids fed, bathed, teeth brushed, changed, books read, kids snuggled, kissed, and sleeping (or on their way) by 8pm was all but impossible.  By the time all the kids were "snuggled" and tucked in and kissed goodnight, it was nearly 9 o'clock.  Doesn't sound that late...until you factor in that I still have to clean up dinner, pick up the house, switch over and fold the laundry...and that I am waking everyone up at 6:15am every morning for school.  Time to make the donuts............

So I decided that each kid gets one designated night a week for snuggling.  Monday is Brennan's night, Tuesday is Brady's night, Wednesday is Nora's night, and Thursday belongs to AJ.  Friday, Saturday and Sunday are a little flexible, but officially they are considered just "tuck in" nights.

At first I felt a little guilty, as if I was depriving them of some sort of critical maternal nurturing opportunity.  But you know what?  They LOVE it.  Each of them looks so forward to their "special night" when they know that three other little whiny voices aren't going to constantly interrupt our time together with "when is it MY turn for you to snuggle ME, Mom...".  Everyone gets tucked in with a kiss goodnight, and then I get 15-20 minutes of good, quiet, uninterrupted time with one.  Whether we read together, talk about the day or some pressing matter, or just get sleepy together, it doesn't matter.  It's different from night to night, kid to kid...but it is WORKING!! and I get the best of both worlds...a pleasantly efficient bedtime routine with meaningful time for the child, and I can get it all done by 8pm on most nights. 

We also stole an idea from their school, the "Caught Being Good" jar.  When I catch them doing something right/good/helpful/polite I simply say "I caught you being good!" and they grab a little square of paper and put their name on in (as well as what they were caught being good doing) and place it in a big jar we keep in the kitchen.  At the end of the week, we draw one name from the jar and they can choose from a couple of little rewards (maybe a $5 gift card to Dunkin Donuts, or they get to choose what movie we rent from Blockbuster, or a Date with Mom/Dad, etc...).  They are NOT allowed  to come running to me, self report a good deed, and actively solicit the "CBG".  I have to "catch" them, recognize it, and hopefully reinforce good behavior in a positive way.  At any rate, it's more fun for them and I do find them trying a little harder to help each other out (at least whenever they think I'm in earshot)...

And finally, I have mounted a dry erase board on the kids bedroom doors.  As I buzz around the house and come up with things that they haven't done (make your bed! put clean laundry away!) or need to do (homework! feed the fish!), I jot them down on their board, as well as whatever activities they have that afternoon (don't forget drama at 4:15!).  It beats the heck out of repeating myself 50 times, in increasingly loud and shrill tones, and they can cross off or erase the things as they are completed. 

So, I feel as though I've begun a P90X program for my house and family.  The easy part was coming up with the ideas...the hardest part, as always, is the follow through. 

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