As I was tucking Nora into bed last night, she began her nightly conversation with me in a happy, upbeat mood. Since Brennan was sleeping over at a friend's house (the two girls share a room), Brady had a friend sleeping over, and AJ was already in bed, Nora and I had a rare opportunity to talk - uninterrupted.
And talk she did.
We started off light and easy-breezy...discussing the events of the day (pool and outdoor concert with picnic dinner) and how much fun we had! Somehow, we veered into planning her 5th birthday party (she just turned 4 in April). She listed off all of the people who she would like to invite - neighbor friends, dance friends, school friends, siblings of friends, etc. (she is a soft-hearted soul who doesn't like to hurt anyone's feelings, so everyone in a 5 mile radius should be receiving an invitation).
Then she reminded me that we need to make a butterfly cake for her 5th birthday. Apparently, I had, at some point months ago, agreed to make her one for her 4th birthday and forgot. She mentioned this to my Mom a few weeks ago, and was apparently upset by it. I had no idea. I thought we were in agreement about the cupcakes for everyone to decorate (her idea) and a candle for everyone to blow out (which was her idea too - again, how sweet is she?). My Mom even offered to make Nora a butterfly cake. In her infinite widsom though, Nora replied, "No Grammy, it wouldn't be my real birthday."
Apparently, we were not in agreement about the whole cupcake thing. As for the candle for each kid thing, well, that all went fine, except for Nora's hair catching on fire while she was waiting for me to light everyone else's candles...but that's another story.
So there I am, already in the hot seat, and suddenly the conversation takes a turn for the worse. As we are talking about her school friends, and when can she see them again (pre-school has been over for two weeks now), she starts reminiscing about her year of preschool. Before I know it, her voice starts to crack and her bottom lip is trembling as she tells me about all of the mommies (or daddies or big brothers and sisters) who came in to read a book to her class. As she is rattling off the names of all of the kids who have (dutiful, involved) parents, huge, crocodile tears starrt spilling from her big blue eyes, and then she says, "but Mommy, YOU never came into my class and read a book..".sniff, sniff...
Dagger. Right. To. The. Heart.
..."and Ava's Mommy AND Daddy came in and read TWO books...and Avery's big brother and big sister and Mommy came in...and nobody from my family ever came in..."
At this point, Mark hears her sobbing and comes in, thinking something is terribly wrong. She repeats her lament, in between sobs, and I may be mistaken, but I think I heard Mark's heart fall to the floor.
Grasping at straws, I apologize profusely and tell her that I (we) love her dearly, and didn't mean to hurt her feelings...I just didn't know about the whole book reading thing. She replied that "Mommies are just supposed to KNOW these things."
Now, I am the one about ready to cry.
Trying to make myself feel better, I asked her if there were any other kids whose mommies didn't come in and read. There was only one, who happens to be a friend of mine, and also happens to have four children. That was about a nanosecond's worth of comfort.
Apologizing again, and offering to make sure that we ALL come in to read to her class next year, she settles down with that and the prospect of an extra long snuggle.
As I snuggled in next to her, I promised myself not to let little Nora get lost in the shuffle again. The details do matter. Especially to a four year old.
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OH MY GOSH. When I tell you tears are LITERALLY falling down my cheeks, I am NOT kidding. AWFUL, terrible. And........ drumroll....
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS MY LIFE, too, Beck.
Okay the fact of her lip trembling and Mark's heart falling to the floor just tops the cake. That little one is so incredibly insightful and has such an old soul. God, love her.
She could NOT be sweeter, and -- I swear -- this could very well have been a conversation with Quinn or Sawyer.
Ugh, breaks my heart.
I recently read another blogger's response to a similar mishap and she said she's following the 80/20 rule.. you just have to hope/pray that you fail only 20% of the time, but your kids only remember the wonderful 80% that you imposed on their lives.
Easier said than done.
PS - YOU BLOW ME OUT OF THE WATER in the Mommy department, so I can only IMAGINE that my % is more like 50/50%!
Hugs, Kat
What a sweetie she is! I remember Ella saying to me once, "You never come to the Halloween party at preschool... ALL the other moms come each year!!!!" And she swore that she meant ALL the other moms. So when I told her teacher that I felt terrible about that, her teacher gave me a look and said, "Seriously--I think there were two parents there. Trust me. You were not the only one not in attendance." Perhaps Nora was exaggerating?? (trying to make you feel better, Becky!!) :) But either way, I think it's a great reminder to all of us moms/parents to pay attention to the little things--especially pertaining to those younger siblings who often get lost in the shuffle. I know Anna can certainly relate!!
ReplyDeleteAnd you know we all think you set the standard for us other moms to follow!! :) You are truly such a wonderful mother, and I mean that!!
-CK
Listening to her the way you did and recognizing her need is what makes you a spectacular mom. We are not always perfect but just reading this says you will always be there for her and try in every way to make the next time better:)
ReplyDeleteSona
Well I have to laugh at the entire post Chewy, Nora is just the cutest and of course, it just pulls at your heart...
ReplyDeleteThen I was thinking about the time I was Nora's age and might have been telling my mom the same story.
Mom would have told me really quick, "You're lucky you have a mother, some kids in Africa don't have food to eat!!!" Ohhh and Mom didn't stop there. She would go on to say things like, "Some kids in Ireland only have potatoes to eat and their mothers and fathers work so hard and work all day long that their kids can't go to school!"
Mom would end by saying, "You're lucky you have food to eat and a school to go to."
At that point I would forget what I said, feel guilty about whatever I said and feel lucky to have food and a mom who's at home for me.
Right Mark? So don't feel so guilty, Nora has a great mom and dad...but it's still pretty funny.
Becky - Oh how I miss my visits from Miss Nora!!!!! :) I think NOW you have to invite everyone within a 5 mile radius including all the kids from school to her birthday party. That is only fair, don't you think???? Hugs to everyone!
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